Ah, Walmart. Never has there been a company that has quite managed to hold such a persistent allure to all the most unflattering people in America. Granted, you can score some killer bargains in your friendly neighborhood Walmart, but in some areas such a quest is not undertaken without risks. Particularly in the Deep South, where Walmart was born, there tend to lurk among the aisles those who have become known as “the people of Walmart.” Now, these folks aren’t just your average, ordinary bargain shoppers – rather they seem to be an entire subculture who all have an unspoken understanding that Walmart is the one place they can publicly be all the worst aspects of themselves.
Here you’ll get a behind-the-scenes look at their antics as relayed on Reddit by Walmart employees. If you haven’t already realized that the hearts of true heroes hide beneath those blue vests, then rest assured that after what you’re about to read, you’ll never doubt it again.
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An Entire Family Was Forcibly Removed From The Store
From Redditor / u/Pineapple_Pistol:
I was unloading a freight truck at the time, and the woman that works at the fabric counter calls over the intercom for a manager. Maybe two minutes go by, and she yells for management on the intercom again, and it’s clear by the tone of her voice that something is going down. Then maybe 20 seconds or so go by, and all I hear over the intercom is “HELP!”
Some of us are about to go see what’s going on but our manager says he’ll take care of it. Turns out, two sisters and their kids were tearing apart the store – the sisters were eating food right out of the bags, one of the kids was throwing jars of baby food at the wall, and the rest were opening items off the shelves. The yell for help came when the oldest kid proceeded to piss on the carpet in the clothing department. When the two sisters were confronted with this, they just laughed and said it was our job to clean it up.
They got banned from the store, and I was told the police had to forcibly remove them.
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A Woman Dressed As A Bumblebee Came In Late Every Night
From Redditor / u/ MysteriousPlatypus:
Walmart was my first job at 18, and as with most new employees, I got stuck with the crappy third shift for the first few months. As a cashier on third shift, my job was mostly to stay awake and zone my area. Staying awake was almost never an issue, though, because at precisely 1:30 am, I would get The Bumblebee as a visitor.
The Bumblebee was an old, old, old woman wearing a bee Halloween costume. Stinger, wings, and everything. She was never outrageous in her behavior, she never purchased anything weird, she was just a bee, and I never asked why.
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A Camera Caught A Woman Fake A Fall Using Olive Oil
Had to convert surveillance video footage to DVD for an attorney a while back. It was footage of a lady, clear as day, cracking open a bottle of olive oil, pouring some out on the floor, then putting it on a nearby shelf. She then looks around and walks over to the spill and slips and falls. So funny to watch. It was one of those projects where I was calling people over to my desk, saying, “You gotta see this!”
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A Man Burned A Bin Of Emoji Pillows
Some dickhead set a dump bin full of emoji pillows on fire. Store filled up with noxious, yellow smoke. Fun times.
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A Worker Saw A Man Using Deodorant Off The Shelf
In the early ’90s, I briefly worked at Walmart in the garden department. I am going to take a break and walk past the deodorant aisle, and I see this huge guy, maybe 350 pounds, in a [sleeveless shirt] put on some deodorant, put the cap back on, and put it back on the shelf. Told my manager about it, and he said it happens all the time.
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A Pharmacist Was Caught Stealing Pills And Dish Soap
I worked maintenance there. One day, I was out retrieving carts, when loss prevention called out for help. She caught our pharmacist stealing a bottle of dish detergent. He struggled. Hard. Way harder than the situation called for. During the struggle, our pharmacist’s jacket came off and numerous pill bottles scattered across the parking lot. He had a good scam ruined by a two-dollar bottle of dish soap!
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A Mom Scolded A Kid About A Magic 8-Ball
Lady yelling at her kid for picking up a Magic 8-ball off an endcap display because it was “sorcery” and “a tool of the devil.” I wish I was joking.
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A Man Tried To Return An Item He Ate
Walmart has a hot food bar, and one particularly busy night, we get a man who comes to customer service with a large bag from the hot bar. He demands a full refund. I ask him what the problem is, and he starts yelling that our chicken is the worst thing he’s ever tasted and he can’t believe we would sell something so dry and inedible. He claimed we are a rip-off and we should have our food license revoked. I calmly apologize for his experience and say I would gladly issue the refund. He hands me the large bag, and it’s completely empty.
Me: “Sir, where is the chicken?”
Him: “Well, I ate it all.”
Me: “I thought it was inedible?”
Him: Dead silence.
Facepalm. So he’s telling me he wants a refund on the inedible chicken that he ate? I denied his refund and sent him on his way.
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A Man Was Sticking Used Chicken Bones In His Cart
I worked in the electronics department for a while. I remember seeing a fat guy eating chicken wings while using the touch screen photo center kiosk. He was then stacking the bones straight into the top of his shopping cart.
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One Man Painted Over His Bald Spot With Mascara In The Store
When I worked in cosmetics, there was a regular who always bought a lot of mascara. This was a just-past-middle-aged gentleman. He was using it to paint over his bald “spot” (which was 3/4 of his head in actuality). He didn’t even always leave to do so; he would occasionally make use of the display mirrors.
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One Of The Older Greeters Scolded A Man Entering The Store With A Shotgun
Pissed-off customer comes back with a shotgun. Little old lady that was our greeter scolded him like a small child and made him give her the gun.
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One Man Tried To Return A Shovel Purchased 30 Years Ago
The most incredulous moment was a gentleman who stepped up to return a shovel. He admitted that it was purchased “over 30 years ago” and claimed it had a lifetime warranty. No receipt, of course. When we refused the return, he started yelling about how Sam Walton would be rolling in his grave over how the store was ran.
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One Man Wore A See-Through Onesie With No Underwear To The Store
One day, a heavy storm rolled in as I was pushing carts. As I was pushing in my last row, I saw a man walking towards the entrance, and since it was raining, it looks like he was wearing a white suit with yellow polka dots.
I go inside. Turns out, it’s a very thin SpongeBob onesie. He wasn’t wearing underwear. It was not a good day for my eyes.
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A Large Man Wandered The Store In Short Shorts And A Belly Shirt
I once saw an older man in his mid-40s, 250 pounds, walking around in construction boots, Daisy Dukes, and a pink belly shirt. At least he was confident!
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A Woman Drove Her Car Into A Burger King Running From Employees
We had a customer who we called Huffy because she would come in and huff the aerosol dust remover that people use to clean their keyboards, get high, and then pass out in the bathroom for a few hours. I should also tell you that at the end of our parking lot was a small grassy median, and on the other side of the median is a Burger King. Remember this note.
Well, management and loss prevention got tired of ol’ Huffy coming in and stealing dust remover and taking up valuable bathroom space. So the next time she came in, a manager and a loss prevention associate were on her like flies on sh*t. Somehow, that wily ol’ Huffy was able to partake in a few cans of dust remover before the two associates moved in. Once Huffy saw two employees walking towards her, she took off, with Walmart’s best giving chase.
I didn’t have anybody at the desk so I moved out on the floor just in time to see Huffy and the two associates streak through the doors like bats out of hell. I saw Huffy get in her car and make a break out of the parking lot, clipping two cars as she made her escape, leaving the winded Walmart workers watching her drive off into the sunset.
Now, believe it or not, but someone who has just huffed two cans of dust remover isn’t the best driver. She jumped the median and slammed her car through the back wall of the Burger King, coming to the stop in the vicinity of the kitchen. Hands down one of the better attempts to escape the long arm of the Walmart law I’ve seen.
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A Woman Claiming To Be Pregnant Attacked An Employee
I saw a man run from our loss prevention officer and get caught, and a woman came out of nowhere and attacked the loss prevention officer while screaming, “I’m pregnant!” The cops came. She actually was not pregnant but the wife of the man caught stealing. They were both arrested.
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A Middle-Aged Man Wandered The Store Dressed As A Baby
I worked at a Phoenix-area Walmart in the late 2000s. We used to have a customer come in dressed head to toe in a baby outfit complete with a bonnet, a pacifier, and adult diapers. It was a middle-aged white guy. The first time I ever saw him, I freaked out, but everyone else was like, “Oh, that’s Baby Guy.” Apparantly, he was a normal guy with a wife and a baby, and one day, he just snapped and decided to live the rest of his life as a baby. He would pay people to come to his house and change him and feed him in a high chair, etc. He was a minor celebrity in the area before he passed away.
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A Woman Brought A ‘Service Goose’ To The Store
From Redditor/ u/skyliner360:
Worked at Walmart for five years and saw a woman with a live goose in her shopping cart. She said it was a service goose and the store can’t ask to see papers.
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A Woman Claiming To Be Blind Drove Over Displays In An Electric Cart
From Redditor/ u/Give_Me_A_Sign:
I worked in grocery as a stocker. We had just finished a cereal display near the front of the store compiled of about 100 boxes. In comes an older lady, around 60, driving one of the electric carts. She’s looking dead on at the display and promptly rams into the thing. Boxes go everywhere, and she starts apologizing over and over and explains that she’s legally blind. A customer that was nearby and saw everything asked her how she drove here if she was blind. She responded by quickly turning around and leaving the store.
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An Oil Change Technician Found A Car Covered In Roaches After A Bug Bomb Went Off In A Car
Redditor/ u/Its_In_Belgium :
Some people signed up for an oil change, then threw one of those household bug bomb foggers into their car while they waited.
When the technician went out to pull the car in, it was full of white smoke from the insecticide, and the interior was covered in thousands of roaches all trying to escape the fog.
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Someone Threw A Used Diaper On Freshly Baked Cookies
Someone threw their child’s used diaper on top of the freshly baked cookies I just put out. I had to throw out 700 cookies.
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One Woman Wanted To Buy Dead Plants Because She Thought She Could Bring Them Back To Life
I worked in the garden center at a Walmart in a semi-rural area. Had a woman come in asking to buy all of our dead plants for a quarter because she could bring them back from the dead. I called a manager because I didn’t know if we could do that. While we were waiting, she proceeded to tell me that she had been struck by lightning letting her see God, which is where she learned how to bring things back to life.
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One Man Order Crazy Amounts Of Meat And Cheese For His Keto Diet
From Redditor / u/kharmatika:
I had a guy order two-inch-thick slices of Swiss cheese and an inch-thick slice of ham. When I asked him what he was making, he said, “A sandwich. I’m on the keto diet.”
Buddy, that is not how this works. I understand keto means you can eat meat and cheese but it does NOT MEAN REPLACE BREAD WITH CHEESE.
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An Employee Finally Remembered She Saw One Of Her Customers On ‘Cops’
From Redditor / u/Totikoritsi:
My grandma works in the money center at her Walmart. She told me she has a customer that looked really familiar, but she couldn’t figure out where she knew the woman from. Nothing out of the ordinary about the lady, but my grandma recognized her face.
A few weeks later, she called me, excited because she figured out why the lady looked so familiar.
She had seen her on an episode of Cops being arrested for soliciting sex.
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One Man Drove Around The Store On A Motorized Cart Singing Prince
From Redditor / u/Gorbachev_Uchiha:
Couple of years ago, this guy would drive around on a motorized shopping cart every day and sing “Purple Rain” to me because, according to him, I looked like Prince. He would go to Walmart everyday around the same time and just drive around the aisles. Wouldn’t buy anything.
