It appears on many a basic dating app bio: “I’m searching for that Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly relationship.” It pops up on countless couple photos: “The Jim to my Pam.” Everywhere you turn, fans of The Office happily promote the show’s most recognizable pair as their ultimate #RelationshipGoals. But what if we have it all wrong? What if Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer) are the exact opposite of what we should be looking for? What if we’re all too blinded by their ordinary, somewhat romantic love story to see the truth?
While plenty of fans of The Office have come to the conclusion that Jim is the worst, most have yet to realize that Pam is just as bad as her husband. Together, these two create an up-and-down relationship with plenty of annoying moments and not a lot of stability. Jim falls short when compared to other fictional husbands, and his relationship with Pam often includes a lot more toxicity than genuine happiness.
Jim and Pam commit to their relationship, make it through some tough times, and end the show happy and ready to move forward – that’s true – but the simple fact that they stay together doesn’t mean they’re the archetype of a good relationship.
Jim Makes An Agreement With His Wife, Then Immediately Ignores It
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When Jim is approached by an old college friend about a sports marketing business in Philadelphia, he discusses the possibility of pursuing the new career with Pam. However, both he and Pam agree that it would be impractical to take part in such a risky endeavor. Jim decides that he won’t pursue the business.
However, he later determines that he can’t give up the opportunity. Knowing that Pam isn’t fully on board, Jim decides to take the job and invest a large sum of his own money, all without telling his wife. He makes an agreement, then immediately backs out of it in order to pursue what he really wants.
If Jim is always going to make his own decisions, why bother asking Pam in the first place?
Neither Jim Nor Pam Can Tell The Other How They Really Feel
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Throughout their relationship, Jim and Pam struggle to be honest with each other. At different points in time, they hide their true feelings from each other, leading to an endless back and forth that’s difficult for them to deal with.
However, their communication problems come to a head in the final season. When Jim takes a job at Athlead, he doesn’t tell Pam about his decision. Not only that, but he also invests a large sum of money into the company without consulting his wife. Although she’s clearly uncomfortable with Jim’s decision, Pam pretends to be supportive. She outwardly encourages him to pursue his dreams while her own resentment and unhappiness build.
For the longest time, it seems Jim and Pam can’t have an honest conversation about what they both want. Jim can’t tell Pam that he wants to take the job and Pam can’t tell Jim that she’s angry at him for pursuing a new career. Their communication problems eventually lead them to couples counseling, but not until they experience months upon months of anger, frustration, and inadequate communication that puts their relationship at risk.
Jim Expresses Concerns About History Repeating Itself On More Than One Occasion
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Although Pam eventually decides to be with Jim, she starts their relationship by emotionally cheating on her fiancé Roy. Jim’s fear of this pattern repeating itself comes up on more than one occasion, suggesting that their trust might not be as solid as it seems.
First, Jim expresses nerves over Pam’s relationship with her friend from art school, Alex. Jim insists that Alex has a crush on her and explains that he was once “the friend,” so he knows what he’s talking about.
In the final season, Jim quits his job at Athlead because he realizes that Pam is finding emotional support in a member of the film crew, Brian. Jim believes his wife’s emotional connection with Brian while she’s married to him mimics her prior emotional connection with him while she was engaged to Roy, and decides to put all his dreams on hold for fear of losing her.
Jim’s worries about the past and fears about what Pam might do if he’s not 100% there for her every second influence his decision, making it yet another choice between professional advancement and his life with Pam.
Pam Doesn’t Want To Be With Jim, But Doesn’t Want Him To Be With Anyone Else
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Before Jim and Pam officially start dating, Pam insists she’s in love with Roy and that Jim is just a friend. However, when Jim starts dating Katy, Pam is clearly upset. She often acts uncomfortable when hearing about their relationship, and even seems happy when she finds out they may not last very long.
Even though Pam refuses to be with Jim, she doesn’t want him to be with anyone else. Though she’s getting married, she grows upset when Jim has the chance to find the same happiness. Instead of looking out for what might be best for her “best friend,” Pam only thinks about what she wants, and acts accordingly.
After Turning Him Down, Pam Interferes In Jim’s Relationship With Karen
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After Pam tells Jim she’s going to marry Roy, Jim transfers to the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin. There, he meets his next girlfriend, Karen. Through a series of unfortunate events, the Stamford branch closes and Jim and Karen both transfer to the Scranton branch. Both Jim and Pam still harbor feelings for each other, which complicates things between Jim and his new girlfriend. Still, Pam does her best to move forward (or back, as she gets back together with Roy for a time). However, her grand plan to let Jim go fails miserably.
During the beach day, while Jim is still with Karen, Pam publicly confesses to him that she called off her wedding because of him. Her confession puts another strain on his new relationship, eventually causing Jim to break up with Karen. Despite being the reason that they didn’t date months earlier, Pam still interferes with and ruins Jim’s new romance.
Pam Makes Herself Emotionally Available To Jim When She’s In Another Relationship
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At the start of The Office, Jim and Pam are just friends. However, it’s obvious to everyone who witnesses their relationship that Jim is hopelessly in love with his coworker. Unfortunately, Pam is also engaged to someone else – the disinterested warehouse worker Roy.
Despite her status as a soon-to-be-married woman, Pam spends all her time with Jim. She claims that Jim is her “best friend,” but her coworkers often accuse her of flirting with the office prankster. The two consistently share longing stares with lots of unspoken feelings in them before one person grows uncomfortable and breaks away. In addition, Pam drunkenly kisses Jim on the mouth after receiving a Dundie Award that wasn’t for “Longest Engagement.”
Though she’s engaged to Roy, Pam shares most of her daily ups and downs with Jim. She confides in Jim far more than her fiancé and then wonders why Roy doesn’t pay her as much attention as Jim does. Instead of investing in her future marriage or ending that relationship, Pam starts her relationship with Jim by emotionally cheating on her fiancé with another man.
Jim Kisses Pam While She’s Still Engaged
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Even though Pam carries on an emotional relationship with Jim, Jim also violates the boundaries of her partnership with Roy, particularly when he kisses her at Casino Night. After flirting with her for months and trying on more than one occasion to confess his feelings for her, such as the teapot fiasco, Jim decides to make an unprompted move on his engaged coworker.
Jim first bombards Pam with an “I’m in love with you.” When Pam reacts poorly and tells him she can’t be with him, Jim responds by trying again. While Pam is on the phone with her mom trying to download her feelings, Jim interrupts her conversation and kisses her.
This first kiss happens after Pam a) already turned Jim down and b) is clearly in an emotional place. It’s not exactly the right time to make an informed decision about their relationship, and Pam responds by telling Jim she’s going to marry Roy.
Jim Buys A House Without Telling Pam
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Being in a relationship means making decisions together, right? According to Jim, that’s not the case. After he and Pam get engaged, Jim proceeds to buy his parents’ house without asking his fiancée.
When Jim reveals to Pam that he bought the house, she looks wholly unimpressed. She walks through the place without saying anything, looking overwhelmed and disappointed in her new home. Eventually, Pam tells Jim that she loves the place, but her initial reaction makes the statement fairly unconvincing.
What’s worse, Jim knows that it’s probably the wrong decision to buy the house without telling his future life partner, but he does it anyway. After the paperwork is all done, he tells Pam that he knows it’s a lot, that the house isn’t in great condition, and that he should have asked her. If he knew that, why didn’t he?
Jim Gets Jealous About Pam’s Life Outside Of Him
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In general, Pam and Jim don’t have much of a life outside of each other. They work together and seemingly spend most of their free time together, giving both of them little time to branch out and invest in other relationships. When Pam spends the summer at the Pratt Institute in New York studying graphic design, she can’t spend all her time with Jim. She makes other friends, goes out more often, and generally enjoys life beyond her relationship.
However, Pam’s independence seems to bother Jim. Although it’s possible he just misses her, he also expresses jealousy about her relationship with an art school friend, Alex. Considering Jim was once the friend who transformed into the fiancé, his fears aren’t entirely unfounded. At the same time, if Jim can only be comfortable when he and Pam are in the same place, it’s not a good indication about the level of trust in their relationship.
Pam Gives Up Her Dream Of Being An Artist To Be With Jim
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Throughout the first few seasons of The Office, Pam has a singular dream: to become a successful artist. When she finally gets the chance to make her dream a reality, she gives it all up for Jim.
After failing a class at the Pratt Institute, Pam has to make a choice. She can either stay in New York for another three months and retake the class, or fail art school altogether and return home to Jim. She chooses to return to her unfulfilling life in Scranton.
Although Pam says she doesn’t return for Jim, she doesn’t have much other reason to return home. Was she worried her relationship wouldn’t last another three months of long distance?
Pam Wants A Quiet Existence, While Jim Is Bored Of Life In Scranton
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Although Pam initially harbors aspirations of becoming an artist, she eventually resigns herself to a quiet life in Scranton. She has two children with her husband, a house, and a steady job that’s uneventful but comfortable. Pam is happy to stay in Scranton and live a quiet life with her husband and children.
Jim, on the other hand, dreams of more. He’s bored of life in Scranton, and a quiet existence with his family doesn’t feel like enough for him. That’s precisely why he takes the job at Athlead. Though he’s willing to resign himself to a boring life if it means he gets to be with Pam, he genuinely just wants different things than his wife.
They Bond Over Being Mean To Their Coworkers
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From the beginning of their relationship and throughout their engagement and marriage, Jim and Pam primarily bond over being mean to their coworkers. They play jokes on people, not caring about the effects that some of their pranks have on the more fragile members of the office.
They also lie to their coworkers constantly to ensure that their own needs are met, as evidenced by Pam suddenly declaring herself the office administrator or Jim getting sent home from jury duty but taking the rest of the week off to help at home. In addition, they talk poorly about their coworkers and assume they’re better than everyone else, with little basis for their beliefs.
In the couples’ minds, they’re the “normal” people amongst an office of idiots. They become close because they think they’re superior to other people, and that mentality only grows worse as their relationship progresses.
Jim Gives Up An Important Promotion To Return Home And Date Pam
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Throughout the course of The Office series, particularly in the beginning, Jim constantly expresses how bored and dissatisfied he is with his work life. When he gets the chance to apply for a promotion at the corporate office, he initially pursues it wholeheartedly.
At the time, he’s dating Karen, who supports his desire to move up in the company and even decides to add her own name to the list of candidates. At the interview, however, Jim finds a note from Pam in his paperwork written on the yogurt-lid medal from “Office Olympics.” At that very moment, he withdraws his application to the corporate position, breaks up with Karen, and returns to Scranton to date Pam.
Instead of pursuing an opportunity that might greatly improve his professional life, Jim returns to Scranton and the job he hates in order to be with Pam. Why does he have to choose between professional advancement and a romantic relationship when he clearly doesn’t face that same choice with Karen? Perhaps because he knows Pam will never leave Scranton?
Jim Buys An Engagement Ring A Week After They Start Dating
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After Jim gives up his chance at a promotion and returns to Scranton, he and Pam finally start dating. They seem happy and very in love, and eventually they start joking about getting married and moving in together. At that time, Jim reveals to the camera crew that he bought Pam an engagement ring a week into their relationship.
While Jim’s hasty purchase of an engagement ring sounds romantic, it suggests a lack of practicality regarding their relationship. Instead of allowing things to progress at a steady pace, Jim fully invests in the relationship from day one. It turns out okay, but it also shows that he doesn’t have much of a level head when thinking about Pam. Not only is it a little reckless, it’s also a lot of pressure to put on a new romance.
